


You 'n' Lou

by pleaseenteryourusernamehere



Category: Ocean's (Movies), Ocean's 8
Genre: Backstory, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Past Child Abuse, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-11 16:40:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15319758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleaseenteryourusernamehere/pseuds/pleaseenteryourusernamehere
Summary: When Lou gets put in intensive care, Danny comes to comfort his sister and gives her a few pieces of relationship advice along the way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who leaves comments and kudos and takes the time to read my work-you are truly little angels sent to brighten my days. This was inspired by Smoaking-Queens (jackrder4) and sadike's comments on "Unscathed"-I combined the two prompts. Also, I'm obsessed with the way Danny and Debbie interact in my mind, so I'm sorry for completely bombarding your brilliant suggestions with the OG Ocean, but I had to get this idea off my chest.

The sleek black Cadillac Escalade barely has a moment to stop before Danny practically leaps out of it, recognizing his sister standing beside the door to the hospital, wearing a coat that looked three sizes too big for her and large sunglasses that hid her face.

Before she even sees him, he wraps her into a soul-squeezing hug that lifts her off her feet, not letting go for a long minute as both their arms cling tight around the other.

She had called last night, nearly in tears and sounding more distraught than he’d ever heard her, to tell him that Lou was in the hospital. She hadn’t gone into detail but that didn’t matter; her partner was in the ICU and he wasn’t going to leave her alone when Lou could die at any minute. He’d been with Rusty and Reuben at the time she called and they had come along, Rusty driving like a bat out of Hell and Reuben paying off any cop that stopped them on their way, and both are approaching now as he pulls away, unable to see her eyes with those large glasses on.

“How’s she doing?” He asks, stepping back as Reuben pulls her into a hug, not missing the way she winces when she’s held too tight, but she smiles as Reuben kisses her cheek. He studies her for a second before blaming the wince on uncomfortable hospital chairs. When she called, she said that Lou had been in the ICU for thirty-three hours.

“She-” Debbie stops, tugging at Rusty’s coat like a needy child to get a hug from him, too. Danny wants to roll his eyes; those two had flirted disgustingly, for no other reason than to piss him off, since the moment they’d met and apparently not even the looming threat of death could stop them. Although he was fairly certain that Rusty understood his sister would always, indefinitely be off limits, he could tell by their eyes when the spoke to each other that they’d done _something_. Debbie used to tease his fear about it-she’d made up stories, everything from claiming they only made out in the bathroom of a casino to saying they’d fucked in the backseat of his car. “She was stable earlier, but the doctors say there’s no guarantee. She's going into her...third surgery on her lung.”

She pushes up her sunglasses when they go inside, using them as a hairband for her unruly brunette waves, and Danny nearly jumps when he sees her makeup free face.

She has a large, nasty black eye so puffy that her right eye is completely swollen shut and the bruise has spread to cover nearly half of her face, down her cheek, up her temple, nearly touching her nose.

“Deb-” Danny cuts himself off, glancing at Rusty and Reuben, who look equally as surprised by her face and he tilts his head at the waiting room as he meets Rusty’s eyes. Rusty gets it; he takes Reuben by around the shoulders and guides him down the hall as Danny grabs Debbie’s wrist and practically drags her through the hospital until he finds a vacant room.

“What the hell is that?” He asks immediately after the door is closed, unable to control the anger in his voice as he looks at her swollen and bruised eye. He hasn’t seen a mark on her face _that_ bad since she was in high school and he wasn’t around to protect her from their father.

“A bruise.” She says it like it’s obvious with a careless shrug and a tilt of her head so the light catches the swollen skin better.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Debbie, how’d you get it?” Danny steps closer, wondering what she’s hiding under that oversized coat, why she winced when Reuben had hugged her.

“I took up kickboxing and apparently, I’m not any good at it.” She says petulantly, arms crossed and a dumb, childish grin on her face.

“Do you think this is _funny_?” He asks as he gestures at her bruise, managing to control his voice to keep it an acceptable volume. Debbie stopped functioning entirely and built her walls up to the heavens if someone yelled at her. “Lou could die, Deb, now’s not the time to lie to me.”

Her eyes-eye-flits up to the ceiling and her crossed arms tighten around her torso, teeth biting the inside of her mouth for a couple seconds before she meets his eyes again, mumbling something.

“What’s that?” He asks, voice softening as he touches her coat covered arm.

“I...there was a guy.” _Of course there was a guy._ “He didn’t strike me as the maniac, abusive type-” _They never do._ “-but I got into a little bit of trouble with him.” _Nice shiner for a ‘little bit of trouble.’_ “I came home and Lou went nuts.” _Of course she did._ “Then...she-she went tearing off on her motorcycle, going to defend my honor or whatever chauvinistic bullshit she would say, before I even got a fucking ice pack.” _Of fucking_  course _she did_. “And...he stabbed her a couple times.” _Oh._ “He was shot-he’s dead. Someone saw him do it, thought it was a Good Samaritan thing to do.” _Remind me to send them a couple thousand dollars._ “He missed any arteries but her lung collapsed and her stomach’s torn up and she has a head injury and she was resuscitated once-they don’t know, even if she wakes up, if she’ll be normal.”

“And you?” He asks, moving his head so he can meet her downcast eyes. There was nothing he could do about Lou right now, so he focuses all his worry and attention on his little sister. “What happened to you?”

“Black eye,” she says unconvincingly, leaning back into the wall heavily, somewhat defeated and most definitely exhausted.

“What else?” He presses gently, feeling like they were kids again and she was trying to hide whatever damage their father had inflicted upon her. He always found out, she always caved eventually.

“...wrist.” Her left hand is raised up to his eye level, a blue handprint adorning his sister’s thin, delicate wrist that had a small gold bracelet on it.

“ _And_?”

“He-there might…” Her voice is almost a whine as she looks up at him, an annoyed expression on her face. “My ribs.”

“Have you been looked at?” Danny asks, taking her wrist in his hands, feeling along the bone. Nothing’s broken, in fact, she hardly even winces as he presses on the bruised skin.

“No, Danny, I was a little more concerned about Lou almost fucking dying,” she spits, tone harsh and biting.

He ignores it.

“When’s the last time you slept?” He asks, noticing the dark ring under her eye that wasn’t swollen shut.

“I’ll sleep when I know that Lou’s going to make it.”

“That’s not-”

“Shut up,” she hisses, their faces so close that he can see the tiny freckles on her nose. “I didn’t call you to be my-my fucking _babysitter_.”

“What do you want then?” He asks, arms open wide in question as he looks at her face, unbelievably angry as she glares at him. She’s not mad at him and he knows it; she feels helpless right now and she hates feeling helpless, so she always took it out on the people around her. “A hug? Some food? Money? Or-”

“You’re an asshole.”

“Is that the worst you can do?” Danny asks tauntingly, egging her on because he  _knows_ her and he knows how this works, how to get her back to ground level when she’s this high on emotion. He builds her up until she falls and he’s right there to catch her. “You can be meaner than that, Debs. Insult my friends or my wife or-hey, compare me to Dad. If you’re going to take this-” he motions to her face and then the hospital room “-out on me, do it right. How mad can you get, Debra?”

He says her full name on purpose; their father had only ever called them Daniel and Debra. He wasn’t the type for nicknames.

“I fucking hate you.”

“Yeah, well, you know I love you.”

It has the reaction he hoped for-she breaks. Her hand clamps over her mouth, jaw moving barely when she bites down on the skin of her palm, eyes welling with tears as he pulls her into a hug. Her forehead rests on his collarbone, an occasional sniffle the only sound in the room for a couple minutes as she holds onto him tight, his hand holding the back of her head, securing her to his chest.

Without warning, he’s reminded of an operation of their father’s that had gone south because of the walkie talkies Debbie had packed. He’d hospitalized her; broken collarbone, dislocated shoulder, minor cuts and bruises, and a fractured skull that is still marked by a scar over her eye from where she had been hit so hard with a walkie talkie, the end of the device had caved in.

He can still hear his mother screaming at their father through the locked door to his study, hear Debbie begging for him to save her, hear the repeated thumps and crashes as their father mercilessly hit her around the room, hear the blood rushing through his ears as he picked the lock and opened the door to see her unconscious and bloody, hear her crying into his chest a week later as they stood in an empty hospital room that looked eerily similar to this one.

He and their mother had been there to pick her up and while she was out signing the release forms, Debbie had broke like a fucking _dam_. To this day, Danny still didn’t know anyone who had cried for so long and done it so quietly-all tiny sniffles and grasping hands. He held her the entire time and absolutely refused to let a tear fall from his own eyes, even when he noticed that her hair had been tied back with a hair tie that had a tacky, multi-colored butterfly glued to it.

She had been eight. 

<><><><><><><><>

Five hours later, Debbie has her sleeping head resting on his shoulder as he tightens his arm around her, pulling her thin frame closer to his. She barely shifts, adjusting her body slightly before leaning into him more, fingers sleepily grabbing at the coat he’s wearing.

Danny smiles softly, kissing her hairline before resting his head atop of hers, the smell of expensive and probably stolen shampoo filling his nose. She has always been clingy when she’s tired and nothing in twenty-six years has changed.

He’s never told her, but he can still remember the day she was born, early one peculiarly freezing April morning when he was five. Their father hadn’t been there; an uncle had to watch Danny while his mother was in labor and even he had left once the nurse said he could see the baby. Danny had entered the room slowly, not knowing much about child birth at five years old but knowing it was painful, and he can still remember his mother’s face, sweaty and tired but completely enamored by the tiny baby in her arms.

She'd allowed him to climb into the hospital bed and he had sat criss cross next to her, peeking over the pink blanket to see the wrinkly, red baby. He had known for a while he was having a sister and, when his father had made it crystal clear that he wasn’t happy about it, Danny had been more excited for her arrival than he’d been for anything else in his entire life.

When he’d held her for the first time, her tiny, toothless mouth opening with a yawn as she squirmed in the blankets, entirely innocent brown eyes meeting his, he’d loved her instantly-Debbie had that effect on people.

Even at five, he knew there was something wrong with his family because his father was angry too much, his mother cried too much, he was hit too much, and he wanted to keep her from feeling all of that. He didn’t like it-he didn’t want his baby sister to feel it-so he’d spent nearly all of his childhood protecting her from their father. He’d always assumed the role of something a little more protective and caring than an older brother, but a little less strict and controlling than a dad. He hadn’t been home during most of her high school years because of their age difference, but he’d gotten her a burner with his number on speed dial and he’d get to her within, maximum, five hours of a single distressed call.

He’s had her back her entire life, from the first time their father had split her lip with his unforgiving hand when she was three to now, when she’s still getting hit around by abusive bastards.

Personally, Danny thinks she should stick with Lou because men and Debbie had never mixed well. When it came to the physicality, she had a great eye; even her high school prom photos looked like a goddamn Vogue photoshoot. But she couldn’t pick a guy with a moral compass if her life depended on it.

She had an incredible knack for finding handsome, six foot somethings who wouldn’t hesitate to hit her across the face or push her around or talk her down or cheat on her or do anything else that could make Danny’s blood boil.

Lou had never done anything to hurt her, which was a considerable upgrade from literally _every_ boyfriend of Debbie’s he had ever met, and she never would. Debbie had never told him about Lou’s childhood but he could tell-especially since he’d had a rough one himself-he knew when someone else had been kicked around too much at a young age. Debbie and Lou-two emotionally and physically damaged peas in a pod.

When he looks at her sleeping, bruised face pressed against his suit shoulder, he can still see her adorable little features gleaming with pride at her mothers encouraging coos as she took her first steps when she was nine months old-another moment their father had missed.

He’d definitely _never_ tell her, but in the back of his wallet, underneath his favorite picture of Tess, he has one of his mother and Debbie on her first birthday. She's nearly the spitting image of their mother, with wavy brunette hair, a cute smile, her round face, that gentle gaze reserved only for those she cared about, Hell, even their nose scrunched up similarly when they laughed. She didn't have her innocent, unabashedly caring green eyes, though.

When it comes to the people he loves the most, his mother and Debbie will always hold the top spot on his list. They had always been close to their mom but her death-or murder or disappearance or whatever their father called it-had hit him harder than her because he’d felt indirectly responsible for it. He had two people to love and protect, but his mother had disappeared one night without so much as a hug goodbye and at sixteen years old, the guilt had nearly destroyed him so he’d focused all his attention on protecting his vulnerable, nearly-teenage sister and hadn’t stopped since.

Throughout Debbie’s years of partners and _partners_ , Danny has never seen her with someone like Lou. They matched perfectly-exactly alike in some aspects but where one lacked, the other filled in and they completed each other unlike anyone he'd ever seen.

Debbie’s sense of humor made up for Lou’s seriousness, and Lou’s seriousness made up for Debbie’s childish antics, and Debbie’s childish antics made up for Lou’s lack of improvisational skills, and Lou’s lack of improvisational skills made up for Debbie’s reckless plans and it went on and on.

Debbie had never stayed by someone’s side for more than half a year, let alone _six_.

Suddenly, he feels her head shift and she yawns, her bruised wrist hand coming up to cover her mouth as she lifts her face off of him. It takes her a second to register where they are and why he’s here and why it hurts so badly when she rubs her eyes to wake herself up.

“How is she?” Debbie murmurs sleepily, rubbing her good eye against his coat before she looks at him and Rusty, who’s passed out in the chair on Danny’s right. “Where’s Reuben?”

“Getting food.” Danny responds quietly, sitting up in his chair and stretching his legs out for the first time in a couple hours. He runs his thumb over her left eyebrow, which has been messed up because she had slept on it before he says, “No word on Lou yet.”

She nods tiredly before resting her forehead on his shoulder again, arms wrapping around him in a side hug as she mumbles softly, vulnerably, “She can’t die, Danny.”

“She won’t,” he assures, brushing her hair away from her face, wondering when it got so long. He’d seen her about six months earlier and it hadn’t been past her shoulders-now, it’s clear down to her shoulder blades.

“He stabbed her _three_ times.” She sounds guilty, as if it’s her fault Lou went on a vengeful spree, and she holds onto  him a little tighter.

“It’s not your fault.” He knows she won’t believe him, but she still needs to hear it.

“Like hell it isn’t,” she scoffs, sitting up and meeting his stare with one unbelievably furious eye. The swelling in the other has gone down a little but it’s still swollen shut. “She wouldn’t’ve had anyone to go after if it wasn’t for me...she’s a fucking idiot, she knew he was an angry drunk and-”

“You do crazy things for people you love.” Danny can practically feel her gawking and he looks down at her incredulous face, almost laughing as he says, “Come on, you two love each other more than-”

“We’re just partners, Danny- _partners_ who-”

“You look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love her, Debbie,” he challenges, meeting her fierce brown eye and swollen other with a triumphant stare as the confidence on her face begins to fall, eyebrows furrowing in something between confusion and frustration as she stares at him, unsure of how to respond. “You ‘n’ Lou...you’ve got more of each other than Tess and I could ever dream of having. You love her and don't even try to deny it.”

Her expression softens a little before she opens her mouth to speak. “I...we-love isn’t…” she trails off, looking at him helplessly, as if expecting him to understand that jumbled sentence. “Danny, I _can’t_. I swore after Dad that I’d never-not with Lou, I can’t do that to her.”

If she didn’t sound so pleading and desperate and lost, he might’ve laughed; there wasn’t a violent bone in Debbie’s body. There were greedy, hateful, spiteful bones, but never one that’s been violent because it’d been beaten out of her. It was both endearing and heartbreaking, knowing that she loved someone-like all  _partners_ would-so much that she wouldn't even let herself say it because she was terrified of hurting them.

“Listen, Deb…” He trails off, waiting until she meets his eyes again. “If this was me, if Rusty was in the ICU because he’d been stabbed by whoever beat me up, I’d be furious, I’d be screaming at doctors and ordering around half the hospital, but if _Tess_ was in that hospital bed, I’d-” he stares pointedly into her distraught eyes, noticing for the first time the way worry is causing her face to constantly look tense “-I’d look something like you.”

When guilt and pain, rather than blinding anger, is the only thing you feel after someone had been hurt, you are not ‘just partners.’

She looks away, obviously trying to think of some snarky remark to make about him and Tess, but she’s unable to come up with one and she winds up staring at a poster on the wall for about half a minute before, quietly, like it’s a confession, she says, “Lou said it once...when we were in Brazil with you.”

Danny isn’t surprised; when he’d first met Lou, it was obvious she and Debbie’s connection was way past sex and small cons, and that was over three years ago. As far as he knew, the lines between partners and lovers-in the physical sense-had been blurred from day one, so lovers in the emotional sense wouldn't exactly come as a shock.

“What’d you do?” He asks curiously, thumb rubbing circles on her arm, grasp loose but firm.

“Pretended I was asleep.” Her eyes are still trained on that poster, but her tone’s changed; more regretful, less defensive.

“ _You’re_ the idiot.” He laughs, pulling her closer to him, arm resting across her back as he hugs her close. Seven months was too long to go without seeing each other, they need to start having weekly dinners like a TV family.

“It’s not funny, if she dies-” Her voice stops abruptly and Danny knows she’s thinking that she missed her chance. If Lou dies, she would’ve never heard Debbie tell her she loves her.

“She knows,” he says, squeezing her in his arms gently, mindful of those bruised ribs she hasn’t told him about in detail. “I know and I’m not even in the relationship.”

“But I should-I have to...I can’t not say it just because I...because of Dad-I can’t use that excuse-”

“Hey, Deb,” he cuts her off, waiting until she meets her eyes to tell her something he’s never even told Rusty, “I never told Tess I loved her until I was on my knee and proposing.”

She remains silent, the cogs in her brain practically whizzing at that one until she sighs and says, “I won’t get that chance.”

Danny’s not sure if she means the proposing part or the saying I love you part, but he kisses her forehead and assures, “Yeah you will.”

"...Danny?" Her voice is small and he meets her eyes as he barely hums a 'yes?' "Thanks."

He laughs, eyes staring at the ceiling for a second before he says, "Deb, I'm being serious about you two. It's...you hold on tight and you swear on the life of  _Mom_ that you won't let go, okay?"

"Okay." Her voice is different; a little happy, a little sad, a little thankful, but mostly full of nervous anticipation and he smiles a little wider.

 _Finally_.

They sit there in silence for another fifteen minutes, Debbie nearly falling back to sleep on his Armani suit before one of the doctors who must've been working on Lou shows up, mask pulled down and hanging around his neck, gloves still on and bloody.

“You are Joan Godfrey’s family?” He asks, looking at Debbie because she was the only one who’d been there earlier.

Debbie immediately rises, barely introducing Danny as her brother “Andrew Stepp”-Joan's cousin-and gesturing towards Rusty’s sleeping form with a simple “family friend” before asking, “How is she?”

“She’s stable and awake. Her head injury doesn’t seem to be affecting her movement or memory, but she’ll have to be monitored closely for the few days. Her lung has been repaired and her stomach has staples for now, but as long as they don’t become infected she should make a full recovery.” Danny breathes a sigh of relief at the doctor’s confident and proud smile, seeing Debbie’s tense shoulders relax for the first time since he got here. He almost expects her to pull the doctor into a kiss, because that soft, gentle look on her face is a first for him; he’s seen Debbie a lot of ways, but her in love had never been one and it’s nice and comforting to know she’s got someone in this cruel world other than him. She deserved more than anyone else to have someone. “One of you can see her now, if you’d like. She’s still hazy from the anesthesia, but she’s communicating well enough.”

Debbie barely glances over her shoulder at him, eyebrow slightly arched because they’re still playing a part; some relatives of Joan Godfrey who all love and care for her equally. He smiles his assurance and she walks ahead, following the doctor down the hallway until they disappear around the corner.

Danny sits back into the chair next to Rusty, who still has his mouth hanging open in the midst of a very long nap, squinting at the distant clock on the wall, unable to tell how long Reuben’s been gone so he checks his watch-

Which isn’t there.

He’s staring at his bare wrist.

A smile breaks out onto his face before he can help it, grinning at the corner his little sister had just turned, his watch probably securely wrapped around her bruised wrist.

_That little shit._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the sweet comments and kudos, truthfully, it makes me happier than Debbie putting Claude in jail to read all the sweet things you say. Have an absolutely fabulously amazing day :)

Despite what the doctor had said, when Debbie enters the room, Lou is asleep underneath an abundance of wires, the breathing tube clicking and humming with each shallow breath, the heart monitor beeping steadily. She looks so unbelievably pale that Debbie can see the veins in her face, eyes closed as her blonde eyelashes barely flutter in her sleep.

She sits in the chair next to the bed once the nurse who’s checking over Lou’s machines leaves. She reaches for Lou’s hand, but stops herself before she touches her because Lou looks too frail, too wisp like, too lost in the huge bed, as if one touch will ruin her fragile appearance.

Debbie’s hand looks unusually dark and tan against the white sheet next to Lou’s ashen one and she finally touches Lou’s open palm, finger trailing along the lines in her hand before she laces their fingers and lays their intertwined hands on the bed again. Her bruise is navy blue against the light backdrop and Danny’s watch glints in the light, still set on Vegas time.

She and Danny had stole that watch back and forth since she was eight, when it’d been originally gifted to her. Danny had his name engraved on the back to be sentimental-“So I’ll always be with you, Debs”-and then he’d picked it off her wrist less than a month later. There’s a special catch on it that will pinch the skin if a someone tries to lift it and didn’t know to raise the watch band off the wrist as they untie it. Danny had put the snag on there to be their little secret; no one else could steal the watch because they could feel a pickpocket lifting it. It’d become more sentimental than Danny had ever intended-an object so easy to steal doesn’t stay around in the Ocean’s family for too long, usually-and they always wore it whenever they had it.

Debbie takes a minute to fix the time before she looks back at Lou’s resting form.

“I…” She trails off, hesitant to say what she wants to say before she chickens out and starts rambling. “I get bored too easily, Lou, you know that. I don’t want to get bored of you because...I don’t think I will, but I know that I _could._ ” She runs her thumb over the back of Lou’s hand, catching it on the wire connected to the clamp on Lou’s pointer finger. “I want that-you-and...I wish it was as easy as Danny thinks; three words and a Disney happily ever after but...it won’t be like that, not with me.” Her lips linger on Lou’s knuckles, perfectly manicured nails grazing her cheek as she does so. “Because I start thinking that this is _it_ ; this is the only life I know I’ll get. I could die tomorrow or in a thousand years and I’ll never be happy with what I’ve done. I’m…” She fiddles with the wire connected to the clamp, knowing she had just sworn on the life of her _mother_ that she would say ‘I love you’ but now she’s stalling. “I don’t know what to do, baby. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.”

If she starts down this road with Lou, she knows she’ll end up hurting her. Her romantic relationships are toxic; someone always winds up hurt in one way or another.

If she doesn’t start down this road with Lou, she knows she’s still hurting her. It’s only a matter of time until Lou can’t stand her for her inability to just fucking say three dumb words or-worse-she’ll get over her feelings.

Suddenly, she feels like crying again because she feels trapped and that’s one of the worst feelings in the world. She always had backup plans-and back up plans for her back up plans’ back up plans-Debbie Ocean did not get trapped in anything  

But there is no way out of this; Lou fucking Miller has become the one thing she swore she’d never have and she doesn’t want to let go.

She’d promised herself that she’d never have someone that she cared about more than herself. That was a liability and when Danny found Tess, she knew that woman would bring him down-and she had.

She also knew what Oceans did to those they loved; they lied, they scammed, they cheated, they hurt, they ruined the people they swore to cherish for life. The Ocean women could fill an entire domestic violence victim shelter. Love was a joke in her family because wives were just for the front for a good husband, kids were just the front for a good family man, relatives were just a front for a big happy family. 

Her father always said she had Ocean blood running through her, but that blood is poison. It’s a genetic complex that has hardwired her to be distrustful, selfish, ignorant, defensive, and shut off to all emotions that didn’t involve a con.

Lou doesn’t deserve that-she deserves someone who would love her endlessly, who would always think of her first, who wouldn’t physically cringe at the thought of marriage, who would be able to cook something without burning half of Manhattan down.

“You’d know what to do,” she murmurs, sighing heavily because it doesn’t matter what she does since they’re both fucked either way. They’ll crash and burn like the goddamn Hindenburg or they’ll drift apart, slowly, painfully until neither know why they ever loved the other. It’s-

Lou stirs slightly, her eyebrows furrowing and eyes slowly blinking open, hazy and disoriented from the bright hospital lights.

When she notices Debbie, what might be a smile if she didn’t have a giant tube shoved down her throat spreads across her face, eyes creasing at the corners.

“Hey,” Debbie says softly, the noises of the machines around her fading into silence, her voice seeming too loud for such a quiet moment.

Lou gives her a half-assed wave, eyes flicking down to the breathing tube in exasperation as she motions towards the button to call the doctor in.

“No-not...not yet,” Debbie says, Lou’s bewildered expression unsettling her. Maybe she isn’t feeling well, maybe she needs the doctor, maybe-

Lou makes a sound, mouth barely able to move around the tube but something that resembles ‘why?’ comes out.

Debbie licks her lips, sweaty fingers fiddling with Danny’s watch, remembering when she’d told him after their mothers “disappearance” that she’d never say she loved anyone. Her father would say that he loved his family and that made her grow to abominate the phrase so besides Danny, during rare moments of seriousness, she hadn’t said it in nearly twenty years.

 _You hold on tight and you swear on the life of_ Mom _that you won't let go, okay?_

Danny had known how to get to her-to use their mom against her so she could grow the fuck up and say that she loved Lou. Their mother had been too pure for this world; she loved their father shamelessly, loved her kids endlessly, and loved everyone without question. Her kind green eyes still shine bright in Debbie’s mind, as clear as if she’d seen her yesterday, and sometimes if she tries hard enough, she can feel her thin arms wrapping around her in a hug. Every morning, Debbie sees her in the mirror-she knows she’s nearly the spitting image of Valentina Ocean-and it kills her just a little each time because she can stare right at the woman she never got to say goodbye to for as long as she wants, completely unable to bring her back or change the past and only able to stare at the slightly altered mirror image of her. 

_I never told Tess I loved her until I was on my knee and proposing._

Danny.

Her big brother, her role model, her saving grace, her everything when she had nothing.

He had been there every time she needed him, no matter how inconvenient it may be for him, and he was the only reason she didn’t believe love was an entire sham-a chemical imbalance that made you do irrational things. The very fact that he was there when she had sworn she would never say she loved someone gave her the extra amount of courage to just fucking _say it_.

“I love you.”

The rush of fear runs through her, head to toe, and blood is pumping in her ears, heart pounding in her chest as the words leave her mouth, voice not sounding like her own.

Lou doesn’t even react.

Her expression stays as confused as it was a second ago and Debbie’s heart is pumping so fast that she thinks her pulse point is probably visibly bulging out of her neck and her thoughts are racing, a thousand horrible scenarios appearing in her mind because Lou hasn’t _stopped_ looking at her weirdly, blonde eyebrows furrowed in confusion and blue eyes squinting in disbelief.

“Lou-I...can you hear me?” Debbie says, her voice nearly trembling as she squeezes Lou’s hand, wondering if she’s still disoriented from, you know, almost fucking _dying._

Lou’s nod is tiny and barely moves against the pillow as she tried to speak, a gurgled mess leaving her mouth before her eyes crease at the sides again, grinning wide despite the breathing tube.

Relief washes over Debbie like a fucking tsunami when Lou’s hand suddenly comes alive in her own, tugging at her arm and trying to pull her into a hug. The wires are in the way and Lou’s unable to speak, so it makes her only capable of staring at Debbie with bright, sparkling blue eyes. Debbie is able to lean halfway over the bed and Lou’s form as one of her pale hands runs over the Ocean’s face, tracing along her bruise gently, and the other lingers on the small of Debbie’s back.

Of fucking course the first time she says ‘I love you’ to her significant other, she has to make sure they’re an immobilized mute.

Debbie almost laughs because this-not hardly being able to embrace Lou-is fucking  _ridiculous_ but is glad she swallows it back when Lou’s eyes fill with tears, sparkling with happiness, chapped lips barely quivering against the breathing tube.

“Shh, shh, Lou-” Debbie runs her back of fingers down the side of Lou’s face, catching a stray tear before it touches the pillow. “ _Shit_ -hey, baby, please don’t cry, please?” Lou nods, and then another tear falls and then another and another, but her heart monitor beeps steadily so Debbie’s not _too_ concerned. “Lou, shh-fuck-please don’t cry,” she glances up at the door, afraid that at any second a doctor will come in and ruin this moment between two fake ‘cousins’ because she’s not going to have the courage to say this later.

“Lou, I love you-you know that, right?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, ignoring the starstruck look on Lou’s face, squeezing her hand tightly. “I’m a fucking idiot and-and it’s-I’m sorry you had to get stabbed for me to fucking say it and I won’t...I know right now I’ll never say it as much as you want me to and this’ll-this... _thing_ with me, it will always be tough, but I _swear_ that I love you so much, it’s somewhat disgusting, and-”

“She’s up again!” The doctor who had shown Debbie in walks through the door and she nearly jumps away from Lou at his cheerful face and even more cheerful tone.

“Yeah, she just woke up a couple seconds ago.” Her voice is monotonous but she doesn’t let go of Lou’s hand, refusing to not touch her for these few minutes.

“Her monitors look good,” he says, glove-covered finger running over his clean shaven chin, before he glances back at Debbie. “Do you want another minute with her or can we take her for a couple tests? Nothing serious; a few scans and a sample or two. Just to make sure she can be taken out of intensive care for the next week or so.”

Debbie wants _so_ badly to tell him and his happy face to fuck off, but instead she presses a chaste kiss to Lou’s forehead and releases her hand, giving the doctor a cheery, “No, no, it’s okay. Take her back for her tests.”

Right as she’s about to step outside the room, she turns around and gives Lou a little wave, a small grin on her face as she calls “Love you!” in such a relaxed, familial way, she almost believes that they’re close cousins.

It feels better than she ever expected to be able to tell someone she loves them and really mean it-not like how she says she loves Danny-to love someone enough that you’d marry them.

It doesn’t leave a bitter taste in her mouth and it makes her smile a little wider and it makes that cold, empty hollow space where her heart’s supposed to be heat up a bit, warmth spreading through her chest and her whole body, the tips of her fingers tingling excitedly. But she right before she reaches the waiting room, she realizes something else, something she knows is the reason she feels so unbelievably happy-

It’s not love, it’s Lou.


End file.
